Now

I live in the moment.

I live in the moment.

I live in the moment and that’s what I say to myself,

While my heart’s in 2010

Sorting through its mirage.

Only tiny grains of sand

Slipping right through its hands.

My grainy past,

Like shards of glass

And diamonds.

Shimmering, cutting, bruising.

But it’s a known feeling,

That’s lost all its meaning.

So frequent is its spell.

No, it’s not my hell.

It’s nowhere.

It’s oblivion.

It’s limbo.

Is that hell?

I wouldn’t know if you spelt it out for me.

I wouldn’t know if you charted a map and,

Drew it far and wide

Like this desert my heart frequents.

Like the ocean of childhood quandaries it still tries to solve, no.

I wouldn’t know my hell if it looked me in the eye and confessed.

Because,

I live in the moment.

⁃ Aarushi Raina Bhaumik

25/2/2023